My soul is suffocating, weighed down by absence,
Weeks without moonlight, or the sun’s gentle dance.
Separated from the waters that once held me tight,
The ache within grows, a relentless, hollow blight.
Category: Uncategorized
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Longing for the Light
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Shadows of the Masquerade
The lure of truth, a siren’s call, beckoned me down a path of self-discovery. Words dripped with sincerity, yet masked the game. I walked the fine line, blinded by confidence, until the threads of manipulation began to weave their subtle spell.
The ghosts of my heart’s broken past lingered, echoes of a younger self, forever etched in the lines of my soul. Used, played, and discarded, a pawn in others’ games of amusement. Moments of tenderness, mere whispers in the wind, should have been overshadowed by vigilance.
I should have seen the signs, assessed the energy, actions, and words. But curiosity, a cat’s deadly fascination, kept me entranced. Yet, I’ve learned to harness its power, to send out karma’s subtle ripples, turning the tables on fate.
Now, I trust my inner voice, a beacon guiding me through life’s labyrinth. For I know myself, and in that knowledge, I’ve found my strength.
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Hades & Persephone: Shadows Bind and Shadows Bloom
If fate demands I wear the crown of Hades, know this: I am Persephone, the spark that fell into darkness and ignited its shadows. I brought life to the underworld’s sterile throne, and in its depths, I found my kingdom. I am the queen of the abyss, ruler of the twilight realm, where shadows dance and seeds of hope take root.
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The Weight of Shadows and Cages
My shadow loomed large, a constant presence that stole the light from my children’s eyes. Hypervigilance wove invisible cages around them, shielding them from unseen dangers that only I could see.
I held them close, yet distant, my grip a paradox of love and fear. The storm I shielded them from was one of shadows and whispers, a tempest that only I could hear. And in protecting them, I limited their growth, their wings clipped by the weight of my own trauma.
Now, I see the paths they might have taken, the heights they might have reached, had I not been bound by the chains of my past. The chance to watch them thrive, to bloom in the sunlight, was a gift I couldn’t give, a dream I couldn’t fulfill.
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Echoes of Indifference
Alone or dating, it’s all the same, you see – a fleeting desire for a few nights, a whispered promise of a backup call, a singular purpose that drains life of its meaning. No gentle calls to ask how I fare, no tender dates to cherish, just hollow echoes of suggestions I once shared, now used on others like a worn-out refrain.
No roses when illness wraps its chill around me, birthdays forgotten like yesterday’s whispers, no genuine interest in the rhythm of my life – just an empty vessel, a body without a soul. Sometimes they try a little harder, but it’s almost laughable, watching them think I’m blind to their games.
Men may wear different faces, but their intentions are a familiar melody. I see the pattern, the repetition, the emptiness. I won’t reshape myself to fit their fragmented desires. I know that when I walk away, they’ll be forever changed, searching for my face, hearing my name in the silence.
When I reach my destination, you’ll be left in the shadows, a fading memory, a whispered regret – you won’t be around to use me.
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The Courage To Be Rooted In Me
Like the willow, I bend and weep – intriguing but not where you want to sleep. So I asked to be changed into an oak: rooted and tall, somewhere you want to be, to help things grow. Easy trails are less complicated; these were your places to roam.
I asked one last time to be beautiful me – the one who’s messy, fierce, yet kind; impulsive, chaotic, and embracing all her parts, refusing to not shine. She learned it was never about being who you wanted her to be. She’s many things, but one thing she’s not: a coward who hides and suppresses herself. In her she is free.
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It was Never going to be me
My kiss, Your cheek.
I watched you as you left, a slight hesitation.
Your face, it told me.
My ghost taking with him my heart that he never wanted.
A silent goodbye.I closed the door, went to my room
And fell to my knees…
I have been collecting pieces that don’t fit anymore. I was forced to see every truth along the way in silence.
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A Dance of Intentions and Indifference
He had all the right words, layered with genuine curiosity. He wanted to know everything about me, not in a manipulative way, but with a sincere desire to truly understand. His kiss was tender and telling. Whatever trick he was attempting, it was clear he hadn’t anticipated the reality of my allure – the potential that ultimately turned into my indifference.
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A Phantom’s Call
Sleep was about to claim me.
The dream realms where I gain wisdom, beckoning me in.
Your voice screamed in my head.
Jolting me back to life the way that only your presence can.
My phantom demanding my attention.
But he goes silent once more.
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A Life Unchosen, A Love Chosen
Life is only partly about choices. You have to factor in things happening beyond your control.
I wasn’t given a choice as a child, my rapists they gave me no choice, being beat and held against my will wasn’t a choice for me. Having developmentally disabled children was not a choice. No being with someone that I love, never my choice.
All the choices I have made have been to find a way to have joy and love inside of my circumstances. It was my choice to always choose love. Love for myself, that part of me that is broken, my beautiful tiny humans, and to allow my love to live for another inside of me like a secret oath. I chose to find my way to make some of my own dreams come to some form of life. I chose to allow myself to live and not let my light fade away.
Ink Stained Soul... 