I have lived in the shadows my entire life. Of a mother who left. A father who was cold. A sister whom everyone prefers. A brother who would rather I be dead. It spilled into relationships. Abused in every way. I was never enough to love correctly. Always just the spare.
Category: Uncategorized
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Missteps
You were always planning your next move, staying five steps ahead, plotting and scheming. But in your quest to outmaneuver the game, you overlooked a fundamental truth.
Missteps and misfortune led you down a path of deception, convincing you that freedom and success were within grasp. But the beast you sought to outsmart has tricked you into finding solace in solitude, leaving you to wander alone.
Only hindsight will reveal the true cost of your actions. Alone in the darkness, you’ll never know the warmth of love’s light.
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The Art of Letting Go…
I felt a pang of jealousy when I saw you with someone. I knew I had no right to feel that way, but the emotion lingered, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. I tried to drown my feelings with alcohol, but it only numbed the surface. The noise and ringing inside me persisted.
I put on a mask, forcing a smile and laugh, while secretly drowning in my emotions. I managed to drag myself out of that place with dignity intact. The next morning, I made a conscious decision to shift my focus from you to me. And so I did…
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It’s in the Time
Time keeps slipping by, yet one thing remains constant: my soul’s unwavering love. While changes unfold, I’ve delved deeply within myself, refusing to wait idly. Instead, I’m stepping into the sun, embracing a brand-new era.
I’m letting the universe guide me toward the love I deserve. Time may bring changes, but it won’t alter my soul’s essence or love. I’ll welcome whatever comes next, embarking on a journey that may surpass my wildest dreams.
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Silver Cord
“I needed him, not in a way that threatened my physical existence, but in a way that made life worth living. I never craved perfection; instead, I was drawn to his authentic, imperfect self. Was I attracted to him? More than anyone in this world.
It was the entirety of him that captivated me: his presence, laugh, eyes, smile, the way he spoke, his mind, and above all, his soul. His darkness was palpable, but his light – oh, his radiant light. I often wondered if he knew how brightly he shone to me.
He was my silver thread, my guiding force that brought me home. His love enveloped me in a sense of timelessness, a feeling as ancient as the universe itself. I needed him because my soul had chosen him, and for me, that was enough.
It was never a choice, just like breathing isn’t a choice. We don’t choose who our souls connect with; it simply is. And so, I’ve learned to live half alive, for without him, I’m left with no other option.”
Playlist song: Invisible String Taylor Swift
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Talking to the Moon
The moon and I converse, sharing secrets about the ways you drive me crazy. You force me to look within, frustrating me more often than I’d care to admit. Yet, we also discuss the depth of my longing to be in your presence, cherishing memories that are my most sacred thoughts.
The moon knows the thrill I feel when you stand behind me, your lips grazing my shoulder. She’s aware that my numbness to life dissolves the moment you set your sights on me. With your touch, fire ignites in my veins.
In the moon’s silvery light, I confide to her of the man who is bigger than the sky, feeling heard and understood with every word.
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Now I can’t
I used to call. When my world felt unstable, your voice was the one that quieted my mind. I chased after you, thinking it mattered. I used to think it was just commitment that you never wanted, when it was just me. These months of silence with your new relationship forced me to see that while I was in love, you were waiting for someone to come along. I cried myself to sleep for 117 nights. Heavy in grief. I was never really free. It came and went; it changed me.
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Another Lesson
“How could I betray myself again? I’ve pulled myself out of trauma inflicted by others, recovered from abuse and toxic relationships, and released myself from the grips of depression and grief. But here I am, again.
Did I go too deep? No. But I slipped. I let myself forget that, above all else, I must put myself first. I hate starting over, but at least I’m not starting from nothing. This is a lesson to love myself more – to prioritize my own healing, growth, and well-being.
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I didn’t shatter, I smiled.
“Less and less, that’s how the pain feels each time I face the lash of your disregard for my existence. Astonishingly, anger and tears of hurt have become obsolete. What once would send me spiraling, I can now find humor in.
I didn’t shatter; I reshaped. I took my broken pieces and used my light to seal them into a beautiful new form.”
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I couldn’t forget you existenced
While I was busy trying to forget how desperately I was in love with you, someone came along. They made me laugh and brought me out of my comfort zone. They took me on adventures, introducing me to nature in a way I now love. They brought me my favorite food or took me to watch the stars on the beach. They held me, making me feel adored. And yet I still cry for what we should have been. I still love you; I suppose I always will.
Ink Stained Soul... 