Ink Stained Soul…

You are like a Memory. Dark, instinctive, and alluring. Drawing me into a home I have never seen but know every inch of. The countertop you place me every time you summoned me. Always cooking when you call me into this world. I never remember food though. You demand my words. What is it I need?

It is never that simple. You know. You toy with me to see how obedient I will become. I must be specific in what I demand from you. You call me in today, but did you know? That you should me what’s been hidden and how I can have it all.

How much of my wounds do you need exposed? Do you need me struggling for my last gasp of air to be satisfied with destroying me? Do you feel superior enough to inflict suffering on another without consequences? My sanctuary from war is not yours to access; therefore, you have no right to my scars and how I had to heal.

Grief lives in your heart and soul because love lived there first. The loss, whether by death or the closing of chapters, stems from the love that once flourished. Tears and this aching part of yourself only want more – more time, more chances for conversation, more moments to create memories, more of what you lost. Your mind can’t make your heart reconcile that it will be no more. And that’s why great love often comes with great losses. The ultimate lesson is one you must always choose: What’s life without love? Nothing.

I’ve done a relationship audit in my life, and it was a pivotal part of my healing journey. I wanted to understand why I have particular comforts and triggers and how they impact my relationships. This process opened my eyes to why I tolerate certain things and showed me where I behave in certain ways, revealing the root causes.

I embarked on a journey of self-discovery, navigating the darkest corners of my own heart and confronting my inner demons. I recognized patterns of attracting similar types of partners, albeit in different forms. Each encounter provided more insight, and I began to see how these experiences were shaping me.

Removing the blindfold, I learned to love myself and acknowledge the lessons I’ve gained. While I’d rather most of those experiences never happened, I acknowledge the growth they’ve brought me.

This was a spiritual experience, facing my flaws and weaknesses objectively, and it’s prepared me for the best parts of life.

My walls are high.
They have to be.
No one was there.
No one came to save me.
Beaten, raped, shattered full of dread.
Unable to live.
The walking dead.
I lose spaces of time.
When something creeps in.
Every thing gets hazey.
My vision starts to bend.
Retreat and heal more.
That’s what I need.
Life adding more cuts.
To my already 1001 wounds that still bleed.
No one tells you but you somehow know.
Your life will never go back.
All you can do is grow.
So grow is what I am always looking to do.
Grow from things that killed the girl no one every really knew.

My heart is weary. Impending storms of heartache and loss coming to claim my night. Tearing out my chest with a claw but my love for you remains while I go numb and silent. My tears the only witness to my soul shattering.

Wisdom
Deep seeded wisdom past down through the fabric of time.
That’s the angelic blood coursing through divine beings body.
The ability to take each lash of life’s brutality and adding to your arsenal of lessons.
Each break doesn’t return you to the beginning.
You wield and transmute it into becoming more.

It’s a delicate dance.
Keeping a seductress interested.
Tasting the salt like sinful bliss is captivating.
Incoherent moans letting you know you are on the ride she intended.
You think you have tamed her.
You simply walked into a power she gave you.
It’s a Sirens Song.

You should be careful how careless you treat the feminine.
She is beautifully woven with wisdom of sacred threads.
Designed by our creator perfectly.
Her heart set in rose gold.
Her Tears silent words transmitted as an ancient call to action.
When you say ‘ I love you’ it goes noticed.
A declaration of your spirit.
When you use it to trick or use, you seal your fate.

Teach me how you need me to love you.
I don’t want your words alone.
Show me.
Let me quiet your storms.
When you can’t be strong let me sit with you in the dark.
I want to love you how you need.
When the fire comes toward you, I will pour out the flames.
I want to learn you.