Missteps and mistakes were made. I must confess we were both at fault. You thought I was too honest and open with my vast array of emotions. That I was too wild, and somehow too easy at the same time. You thought I would always be there, that I would never walk away. I thought I could change your heart, that being myself would be enough because I love her so much. I thought that things that hurt me, your lessons, could free us both. I thought that you would change, not that you would choose not to grow. You thought I would become small and I thought you could build. Our mistakes lead to a death you still probably don’t see and to an awakening I can’t return to slumber from.
Category: Uncategorized
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Reflection in the Mirror…My Soul
There are times when I walked past the mirror and have to stop dead in my tracks.
My own aura stuns even myself at times.
Raw, natural and breathtaking.
Smiling as my own eyes look back at me.
Love, is surrounds me.
It is in me.
And I reflected it back.
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The Art of Becoming Untouchable…
The only person that can truly put value on you is yourself. If someone won’t take you to walk on the beach at sunset, go alone. If they don’t enjoy your company, take time to explore who you are without anyone around. If they won’t take time to cherish your body, pour into it yourself so much that the thought of careless hands touching what you built will disgust you. The value is in building yourself so high that only the right hands will ever do. That’s who you are and what you are worth.
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Duality of the Divine: Nurture & Nature
Motherhood is both a season and your core. We nurture and love beyond everything we imagine possible. Our hearts and soul become this endless open vessel of the purest love. Yet, underneath it, we are still wildfire. We’re more than just a mother. That dreamer, fierce woman that craves to be known as she is. Allowing herself to be more than just a mother. To be seen as a sensual piece of artwork all her own. Find a way to unlock that while honoring her nurturing heart, and you have mastered the art of being a divine feminine.
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Embers of Oneself
To love oneself you must know yourself. Your mind, where you stand on things without anyone’s opinion. Your body, and as a woman, how each phase challenges you as you still navigate life. People will not care the dips in your hormones and how it truly affects you in every way. You must know your heart and let it be without influence. If you cannot honor who you are with grace and awe then how can you look in the mirror? If you do not love the way your skin feels under your own touch no one else’s with light a fire inside of you. To be loved is to be known. Even more so to love is to accept all those parts in reverence. For the light dances in shadows.
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Whispers of Snow’s Silent Wonderland
In the moments of silence. As Snow covers the earth. Listen. To your breathing. To your intuition. To your heart. Everything inside that is telling you to move forward. That book you are struggle with. The boundary you let falter. The whispers your soul has been trying to speak to you. When nature gives you the perfect silent reset, answer the call within.
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Mirror of Shadow Dreams
I’ve pivoted away from the life I wanted my entire adult life. The dreams inside could not die. Health issues derailed my path at 18. An unexpected pregnancy trapped me into a young marriage because of my upbringing. Depression, weight gain. I didn’t recognize myself. Trauma resurfaced again and again. An endless loop of mistakes that I did have roles in. I felt cursed. Still, the dreams in my heart were hidden beneath a stranger’s life. Who was I, really? Motherhood wasn’t what I wanted, and that became the role that made me fight the most. I was fighting for my children and the little girl inside me. Wanting to see them live their dreams while finding a way to have mine as well. Mistake after mistake. Self-sabotage and being tricked by the lies of others. You can’t win when the players manipulate you into places you would have never walked. It was a mix of life’s twists and my choices. Some faults solely mine. Many I was simply misled. Prey in an elite game. But my dreams are still here. Will I ever fully see them realized? Can I trust myself to get there? Has familiarity bred complacency? How can you see past the lies when they’re so skilled? What happens when things you want shift? All of this and still my dreams. That girl. That teenage version. That woman you envision in the place you can clearly see in your mind still. My dreams. The love and life I’ve always seen. It is Mine.
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Unleashed Soul
I am as incapable of staying small, as I am staying in a box.
I must be authentic and full of wonder. Growth sprouting out of me to always be better. My soul my shine even if it is too brilliant for most eyes.
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Love in it’s Complexity
I am so conflicted on love being a choice. Some loves are this bond, an invisible bond that pulls you to someone almost immediately. Some souls simply tug at you beyond reason. Not just about passion but a knowing you belong to them. Choosing to love them hurt, when you don’t like their actions, or even if you are not in their life doesn’t feel like a choice with certain people. It just is. You love them without question love sits inside of you. I believe it is the building a life together that is the true choice. We all change and evolve. As parts of our past shape us we must face the mirror and the fact we are no longer the person they first met. Can you choose them through every change? Can you love them as they unpack life time after time? I think settling, almost love is rooted in complacency. Comfort but hollow, as if your soul is screaming on the inside of you.
Love, what it is at its very essence loves through the mask and healing, it is still the one your soul knows. The eyes you want to see through every phase life has in store.
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Searching For My Soft Space
I am strong. I can handle myself. I was given no other choice. I long to be cared for. To rest into an embrace where I can be soft and safe. Arms wrapped around me. Guiding me, so I can let my weary mind drift into dreams. Space I don’t have to carve out in a never-ending demand that requires my sacrifice. Yes, I can do it all. I just don’t want to have to.
Ink Stained Soul... 