Ink Stained Soul…

Warmth, beautiful warmth embracing me.
The sun kissing my skin.
Gentle as a lover.
Holding me, sacred and protective.
Fire and fury.
Cascading the brilliance of ancient healing upon my soul.
Giving reverence to the sun, with it’s ability to cast light over my entire being.
Glorious as the moon that cast light on the darkness.
Holding secrets like oaths.
The breeze, grass, and sand woven pieces that tie the elements of wholeness together with the water that calls to me.
Nature.
Solstice.
Wild freedom that screams in my bones.

Basking in your presence makes me able to breathe.
Myself, whole.
Thats what it gives me.
I’m in awe of you.
Your wit, humor.
The kindness in your actions.
How you gently indulge in my thighs, then fiercely take me.
Yours.
Always yours.
Time does nothing about this fact.
We have danced this dance for so many moons and it remains true.
Nothing is you and I.
The only change is the bond is so deep that we actually don’t have our own seperate beginning and ending.
Two fused together so intricately. The man that kisses me, places a pillow under my head as his pulls me closer,buries himself in me in the early hours one last time before I must go, and the man I laugh with. He belongs to me as much as I belong to him. We are more than most people can comprehend. Accepting, understanding, and appreciating living beside friendship,love, and passion. Wildly supportive and protective. Inextinguishable.
That is Us.

This is what I know to be true, I belong to you.
That has been true since the day you kissed me. I was yours in that very instance.
Time, others in your bed, other relationships, hurt, silence, jealousy… None of those things has made that fundamental fact disappear. My tears, anger, nothing makes my heart not pull to you. Yours, I have been yours. Always yours. You are mine. No one can touch the places you guard and yet I am there inside your chest. The one you cant shake, the one you can’t let go of, the one no one else can measure up too. The chasing to fill only what I can give. And I do I give with the ease of breathing. The one you love and hate that makes you not stable as you are in every other area of life. Me, the emotion that leaves your logic in shambles. I am your always, I am your prayer you gave up on. The hope you never believed would exist. We are more. We are terrified and yet we are each others loves. Lovers, partners, friends, mirrors. Time only being stalled, because we already belong to each other in our hearts and souls. As the snow quiets the earth it becomes our time to fall together.
Mine,
Yours,
Always…

Dames Quarter.
Special to us both.
The dock I have loved since a child, the same one you have paddled out of for so long.
Roots.
Our roots separated by 18 years.
The key.
The arrowhead you have giving me every lifetime remains in my possession.
Our first hunt.
Stuck in the mud.
I knew in so many ways I knew.
Betty, she held our best adventures.
I shall never regret a moment.

August 2025, I sat in the rubble of what I had allowed and counted the cost.
‘Pretending it didn’t hurt, is requiring me to pretend I didn’t bleed. ‘
(This has become part of my why & my creed)
September, after I evaluated my worth, I set my path.
‘I am a dreamer not a pretender. ‘
I did the math, read the invoices, and decided my worth.
This has been the most life altering elevation to loving myself.
I didn’t wait to be saved.
I saved myself.
I found myself.
I learned to love myself.
I was brave. True. And standing in Sue Ellen. Now, I’m still rising, always becoming more, and always choosing love.

That part of you that hesitates from me, I think you should listen.
I don’t want to be with someone that hesitates. I want a man that’s sure. That in his heart, in the depths of his bones. His soul vibrates ‘she is mine. ‘ A man that cannot fathom anyone but him being the one that protects me, that pleasures me. That my smile is only for him. That my laughter eases his soul. That he is the one that gets my sighs and moans. My soft skin can only be under his touch. So that hesitation you feel, that means you are not mine. For we are made of shadow and bones.

If my wishes came true it would have been you.
You would have never walked away from me over and over.
I would have never felt the pain of being left in the cold.
Calls & messages, left unanswered. Confused, hurt, time and time again.
I would not have become so familiar with abandonment and tears! I would have not gone so long without eating or speaking.
I would not have to collect pieces of my shattered heart from you.
I would have never been faced with what seems like endless others, betrayal.
Humiliation of the deepest kind.
I would have just been loved. Protected.
Yours to cherish.
Yours to intertwine with.
I would have been everything.
I never got that love.
I got what was left.
But if wishes came true I would have never had my love destroyed by you.

Do you suppose we have been lied to?
That passion is meant for many.
That it can be experienced on every level with constant rotation.
I do not believe this to be true.
I have had many lovers in my 4 decades.
The ones the burn into your very skin are rare.
To experience this intense daring dance of glistening soul extraction is the exception to every rule.
It is something that not everyone can bring out of you.
It cannot be replicated.
It shakes you to your very core.
It’s truth in the darkness.
It’s everything you feel shining in every part of your body.
Shaking, breathless, it holds you.
Yes, we have been lied to.
I found the truth.

We all have a path.
One we must make choices along the way.
Dreams, goals, plans for your life.
When you can no longer stand still.
Hoping.
Wanting.
Waiting.
It all must come to an end if time has taught you its in vein.
You must step forward in smalls way in order to take the leap into what’s next.
Tears will come.
Mourning is inevitable.
Lessons in life.
Lessons in headache.
All must be learned.
When the time comes, you will know.
You will decide your worth.
You will know what life for you deserves.
You won’t be afraid to lose something that was never truly yours.
You will gather yourself and know that morning light will come no matter how dark the night is.
The only person that can take you there is yourself.
The only people worthy to be there with you are the ones that hold your value like treasures.
When the time comes you won’t be confused.
Fear will only be slightly discomfortable because dying slowly in compliance is worse.
Brave.
True.
Standing in you.
That is how to achieve all those beautiful dreams.

I can’t discount the ways you show up.
The words and actions don’t always match.
I often am confused, that much is true.
Evidence is there.
In small ways.
Love is underlying.
Always that is what we say.
Sabotage is also a language spoken far to frequently.
Fear or something else I can’t put my finger on.
Appreciation for one another, undeniable.
Watching one another heal and hurt in the same breath.
Still not together, but more than friends.
Something deeper and yet in this world too far apart.
A paradox we are.
Closer than most humans ever get and share our time or beds with others that require less.
The anchors for one another and yet we never set sail as one.
What a mess we make for those that try to get where we easily fall in place to with each other.
That is us.
Souls bound in trust and faith but not able to find the right road.