Ink Stained Soul…

My body will never be perfect to someone who can’t see the beauty in how it movements.
My eyes won’t reveal it’s depths to a man so blind he only sees the surface.
My words will make no sense to someone who can’t look deep within.
My touch will feel ordinary to someone dulled by life’s mediocrity.
Life can’t be mundane if you dance in my magic.
My fire won’t allow you to stay when you try to extinguish me.
I am more…for my beauty is mind, heart, body and soul.

I choose myself.
I learned to sleep alone and like it.
I read more.
I stop explaining myself.
I love eating alone because I get what I want.
I never miss a chance to be near the water.
I have done community work.
I have become an even better mother.
I learned to be independent completely.
I learned that leading with love removes those that can’t and allows space to be loved.
I have experienced so many new adventures.
I chose love in choosing myself.

The last night I felt alive I was intertwined with you.
Breathing in your essence.
Lost in your eyes.
Burning from the passion coursing through my veins.
Touching your skin.
Basking in your laughter.
Your voice demanding me to hear every word.
Music I only hear when I am alive.
The last night I felt alive I slept next to you.
In the goodbye, I once again began to die .

One of those nights that engrained within my soul, you held me.
I spoke of things that happened to me.
You listened.
Kissing my head and letting me cry.
I felt heard.
Supporting me and not try to fix it.
Fire burning in your eyes.
‘Fuck em’
That is who you are.

Love doesn’t know the details, it simply exist.
Like you, it’s everywhere for me. Day after day.

The version of me that loved you so, she drown in a sea of her own tears.
Suffocated in your silence.
Became nothing from your indifference.
I grieved her over and over.
Watching her slowly rise.
You will grieve her for all your days. You will realize not only is she dead but you were her executioner.

Do I ignite the fire within you? Do my eyes spark the protector in you, the one who claims me as yours? When we’re together, do you feel everything? Do my hips cry out your name in the still of the night? Does my voice, whispering your name like a prayer, calm the demons that haunt you? Does the thought of my body beside yours draw you in, craving closeness? If my smile doesn’t light up your world, then perhaps I’m not truly yours. But if I am, why are you letting me slip away?

I never ask.
Not because I don’t care or I don’t get jealous.
No,I never ask because I don’t have to face the answer.
The truth doesn’t have to make its way into my world.
The one where I convinced myself you love me and everything else is just you wrapping up unhealed parts of yourself.
I don’t have to face the blade cutting parts of me away.
Small assaults mend while my armour protects me from the kill shots.
I walk each day holding that place only we know exist in my heart.
Letting the warmth of the sun and moon keep me going.
I don’t ask.

I like to think it all fell into place somewhere.
That we fell and no one ran.
We both knew and wanted it all.
That our intensity never faltered.
Obsession and passion never went too dark.
That we burned for one another night after night.
Lighting the world ablaze with the enormity of us.
The secret language was one of our super powers developed over lifetimes.
Warriors, fierce, lovers, and each other’s havens.
That time and beauty never crept in rotting us.
Somewhere we walk side by side.
Our heart and desires echo a call only we know.

The stillness in the calm breeze grounds me as my toes dig into the sand. The warmth of the sunshine kissing my skin reminds me of the beauty I carry within. Nature’s beautiful song echoes as the water crashes to the shore. The sight of love as mated birds fly and soar. The final element to call in myself, magic, is the one within my soul – the fire that burns inside. All four together, now I’m whole. My sanctuary out in the wild, a place to renew. My energy is sacred; my aura, a rare jewel.