Ink Stained Soul…

There is something pivotal about those moments in life when you just realize that things in life are a sequence of events that is ever-changing, and we have little to no control. As humans, we are taught from a very early age that what we want and aspire to be is simply within reach because we are in charge of our destiny.

What if, to a point, it is in fact true? What if we can change the trajectory of our life? Isn’t that what many different institutions say? We can pray, put in work, and focus on certain areas to excel.

But what if it is all predestined, though? Do we really have a choice in the way our life plays out? How does that work? Perhaps there is a constant shifting of timelines because each life we touch makes a difference in our choices somewhere along the path, or others’ choices alter this as well.

My theory is that most of us were created with the purpose of being in union with our divine counterpart, while others were meant to show the highest level of other important relationships. We all have an overall part to play in how our world moves forward with time.

I believe in always choosing love. Those of us who are healers, empathetic souls, and nurturing people of the world are chosen to shine light and heal all things. This balances the actions and consequences that carry from the takers, energy vampires, and those stuck in their broken pieces.

Each timeline possibly has an infinite number of possible outcomes for your life. This is where my twin flame – or true soul mate – theory, or recollection, spirals. I think that your actual true soul mate is in every timeline, but I don’t think they are the only ones. I believe we have soul familars – people we spend a large number of timelines with because of the choices around us.

Our true soul mate journey is to get us to our highest purpose, which we were meant to be at. Then, creating a ripple effect for other true soul mates to do so, elevates the entire world.

The color blue was nothing more than simply a color until I saw his eyes. It became my favorite, now attached to him and his smile. Swirling and piercing, engulfing me with the shadows and light that is his very essence. Claiming, all-consuming, he has taken me hostage. Taking over, drowning me in the most profound way, becoming a part of me, but will they stay? I can never escape, nor will I try. Blue became the only color. For he is my sky.

Flowers show up at my office.
Beautifully written my name, your handwriting.
Asking me on a date.
My heart trying to escape my chest racing at the thought.
Anticipation of something I have dreamed of.
The phone ringing brings me back to reality.
Another dream

It was never going to be me.
I think I have known in my heart from the first time you went silent.
My biggest fear coming true.
I was just a conquest.
One of many collections.
Nothing more than a notch on your belt buckle.
Did it hurt?
Knowing it broke what was left of my heart.
Because for me it altered my life.
I gave myself.
It wasn’t enough.
I don’t know I am capable of doing that again this life.
Once I fix me.
Once I am whole.
I hope your name doesn’t hurt and make me happy at the same time.

For me it’s ripping apart my soul and barring it for all to see.
Knowing this is the only way I can let myself feel the abyss of emotions that the world has took from me.
Giving myself a voice, a way to speak.
Realizing through my art, I’m not what people perceive me to be, weak.
I am all encompassing depths that demands authenticity.
I am beautifully woven by threads of divinity.

I loved you.
I can say it now.
From the depths of my soul without reason I loved you.
When every word you spoke told me not to.
When most your actions told me I was a fool.
I still loved you.
It was there.
Within the walls of my lungs like a breathe you dare not breath.
Etched inside my heart with golden letters.
I loved you.
Although I still scream on the inside and tears still fall, I know that I loved you.
That gives me as much peace as I can hope for.
Time goes by and there it still sits inside of me.
Haunting, sad and still love all the same.
It was real.
It was beautiful.
And yet it was tragic.

You watch me,
When I enter the dream realm.
Observing me
Like a predictor.
Eyes locked in silently
Planning something.
Am I calling to you or are you waiting for me to be what you want?
It shakes my world while giving me comfort that in this place I have you.

You walk around day after day with a piece of me. My soul is tucked away, going with you wherever you travel. My heart is half alive because you are freely living while I remain. As you fill the void with empty Tyrisks, I have no choice but to just exist. You have kept part of me with you. I am a walking phantom.

I dreamt of you again last night. This time, you weren’t just observing me. No stalking your prey. You came into a home I’ve never seen, laying down next to me face to face, just watching each other. I let those words linger on my lips. Your eyes dared me to say it. They were there on my tongue, as they almost slipped out, but I held back. You stayed, though, as a sign of patience or love, I do not know. We curled up together, talking, making dinner, and asking if I wanted drinks. Your gaze kept intensifying, as if you were trying to tell me something. Didn’t you know I don’t ever let myself believe you want to know? You don’t want to be responsible for my heart.

I grew tired.
No longer hanging onto the hope you would finally see me.
Endless times willing you to call me are long gone.
Praying that you may wake up and realize you love me too.
So I rested.
Took slumber in as a retreat.
Allowing time I used to obsess over you to now fall in love with myself.
Now I am feeling more refreshed.