Ink Stained Soul…

While I was busy trying to forget how desperately I was in love with you, someone came along. They made me laugh and brought me out of my comfort zone. They took me on adventures, introducing me to nature in a way I now love. They brought me my favorite food or took me to watch the stars on the beach. They held me, making me feel adored. And yet I still cry for what we should have been. I still love you; I suppose I always will.

At times, I question things. Is it really this pull that keeps me? Does he actually care? But when I get lost in doubts, I’m brought back to the truth.

He saved me. He made me brave. He brought me to life, making me feel things I never had. His presence is a sanctuary; I can sit next to him and feel quiet, peaceful. I care about every word he speaks.

He challenged me, pushed me to grow, and helped me discover new depths within myself. All those questions I have, the answer remains the same:

Because of him, love exist for me.

There is one artist that speaks to me lyrically. It’s poetry to my soul. Captivating deep parts of me. Bringing emotions connected to someone, a place, a time when this was how I was feeling. Telling my story with her words. Inspiring me, healing me, giving me the map to set myself free.

‘Untouchable’ Taylor’s Version

Untouchable like a distant diamond sky
I’m reaching out and I just can’t tell you why
I’m caught up in you
I’m caught up in you
Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
And when you’re close, I feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night, when I’m in this dream
It’s like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on
Say that we’ll be together
Come on, come on
Little taste of heaven

The lyrics are beautiful. Making me reflect on the one I look to the moon and talk about. The longing and loving. Hoping and dreaming. The fact the every night the stars spell out his name.

‘You All Over Me’ Taylor’s version (vault track)

The best and worst day of June
Was the one that I met you
With your hands in your pockets
And your ‘don’t you wish you had me’ grin
But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child
Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then
And I lived, and I learned
Had you, got burned
Held out, and held on
God knows, too long
And wasted time, lost tears
Swore that I’d get out of here
But no amount of freedom gets you clean
I’ve still got you all over me
I lived, and I learned
And found out what it was to turn around
And see, that we
Were never really meant to be
So I lied, and I cried
And I watched a part of myself die
‘Cause no amount of freedom gets you clean
I’ve still got you all over me
I’ve still got you all over me
Still got you all over me

This is devastating tragic beauty. I have felt this inside my bones. It is remarkable how it feels like she wrote this after listening me cry my heart out to my near friend. As if she took my hurt and put it into words. There is no amount of time that cleans him off me.

‘Don’t You’ Taylor’s version (vault track)

Sometimes I really wish that I could hate you
I’ve tried, but that’s just somethin’ I can’t do
My heart knows what the truth is
I swore I wouldn’t do this
But don’t you
Don’t you smile at me and ask me how I’ve been
Don’t you say you’ve missed me if you don’t want me again
You don’t know how much I feel I love you still
So why don’t you, don’t you?

I feel like a broken record but this has encompassed so many of my emotions. It’s how you mask the love you still hold for someone. How you know what’s true in your heart but can’t say? It’s always there that breath you have been holding.

“I was never too good for him,
Nor was I not enough.
For my heart loved him from the start,
Before I knew I loved his eyes, voice, laugh, and smile.

Without any strings, except the one that binds me to him now,
Destiny agreed upon before we ever met.
Twin souls, fated life after life,
Our promises to be kept.

Magic and passion, shadow and light,
Always, each lifetime, so we get it right.”

He opens the door. Those eyes – I can’t hide from them. Kisses on my shoulder make the world fade away. His strong, gentle hands pull me in, holding me in place with the sheer gravity of our bond. I am alive again; every sense in my body is awakened. Passion, lit like a flame only he knows how to make burn, consumes us. Coming undone together, our need for each other is something we can’t let go of. His presence blankets me, shielding me from outside forces. When reality must exist again, he lingers in my very skin and bones – soul deep.

The one constant in life is change. How bittersweet that it is the one thing we all dislike the most? Relationships come and go, evolving or dissipating altogether. While we learn that seasons come and go, we don’t always like to accept the new, and loss does, in fact, occur.

As we navigate these changes, it’s essential to remember that the past has its place in our memories. We can treasure the lessons and fondness, but we must avoid getting stuck. We can hold onto the memories without holding onto the pain.

This doesn’t mean that the loss is not painful, but rather that the beauty lies ahead. We can’t look back; instead, we must focus on the present and the future. We don’t have to feel abandoned by what must move forward. Sometimes, we hold onto situations that are truly holding us back from moving toward our purpose.

As we move forward, it’s crucial to recognize that we cannot have forward movement without shedding things meant for seasons, not lifetimes. We must learn to let go and trust that the universe is guiding us toward our destiny. Choose to see things moving into your destined path, and remember that it’s okay to say goodbye.

There is something pivotal about those moments in life when you just realize that things in life are a sequence of events that is ever-changing, and we have little to no control. As humans, we are taught from a very early age that what we want and aspire to be is simply within reach because we are in charge of our destiny.

What if, to a point, it is in fact true? What if we can change the trajectory of our life? Isn’t that what many different institutions say? We can pray, put in work, and focus on certain areas to excel.

But what if it is all predestined, though? Do we really have a choice in the way our life plays out? How does that work? Perhaps there is a constant shifting of timelines because each life we touch makes a difference in our choices somewhere along the path, or others’ choices alter this as well.

My theory is that most of us were created with the purpose of being in union with our divine counterpart, while others were meant to show the highest level of other important relationships. We all have an overall part to play in how our world moves forward with time.

I believe in always choosing love. Those of us who are healers, empathetic souls, and nurturing people of the world are chosen to shine light and heal all things. This balances the actions and consequences that carry from the takers, energy vampires, and those stuck in their broken pieces.

Each timeline possibly has an infinite number of possible outcomes for your life. This is where my twin flame – or true soul mate – theory, or recollection, spirals. I think that your actual true soul mate is in every timeline, but I don’t think they are the only ones. I believe we have soul familars – people we spend a large number of timelines with because of the choices around us.

Our true soul mate journey is to get us to our highest purpose, which we were meant to be at. Then, creating a ripple effect for other true soul mates to do so, elevates the entire world.

The color blue was nothing more than simply a color until I saw his eyes. It became my favorite, now attached to him and his smile. Swirling and piercing, engulfing me with the shadows and light that is his very essence. Claiming, all-consuming, he has taken me hostage. Taking over, drowning me in the most profound way, becoming a part of me, but will they stay? I can never escape, nor will I try. Blue became the only color. For he is my sky.

Flowers show up at my office.
Beautifully written my name, your handwriting.
Asking me on a date.
My heart trying to escape my chest racing at the thought.
Anticipation of something I have dreamed of.
The phone ringing brings me back to reality.
Another dream